I owe you guys an apology! I have not been active on here since January. I made a goal to blog more and then promptly left it for a while. Isn’t that always the way sometimes. To be honest life in the new year quickly got in the way and my schedule piled up so quickly that before I knew it I was too tired and depressed to pick up my fingers and type. Only until recently it dawned on me that I hadn’t posted since the new year, I felt really sad about that and wondered if it was honestly worth doing? But, I also remembered that I really enjoy it and even though this blog doesn’t get a lot of traffic I still want to keep doing it. Since I had been away from writing in so long I thought a little update on what has kept me from blogging would be a good thing to do and also provide some catharsis for some things that I have been going through as of late. So without further ado we will start off with where I left you, which was in winter.
The last leg of winter was particularly brutal I have been telling people that the farther away I can get from February the better it will be. There was one week in February in particular where everything went wrong and on that last day of the week, on Friday, my life became emptier. I have been dealing with grief after having to say goodbye to my dog Dinah after 16 years of life.
There isn’t a day that has gone past where I don’t think about her at least a little bit. I miss her so much, every time I walk up my driveway and see the empty window into the house where she used to stand by and wag her tail ferociously excited I feel a pang of pain in my heart. I miss walking around the kitchen with her by my side leaning up against my leg and my hand nestled on the soft patch of fur on her head. I miss giving her kisses on her long nose.
I know she was in a lot of pain though, towards the end, the last day I spent with her I could just tell there was something missing from her, it was though her spirit had already left her body and it was just time for her to transcend this earth. At the time I felt horrible and guilty, deep down I knew it was the right thing even though it was the most painful decision I have had to make. The weeks following her passing I wouldn’t stop crying, I would sit on the couch when I was alone and I would sob. I would walk past her food and water dish and I could feel my throat start to close up. There were even times when I was out and I would’t want to come home because I knew it was an empty house. The only things that helped was to get out of the house when I could and spend time with friends and to talk about how I felt to friends and family and the only other thing that has helped has simply been time. The pain still persists to this day, not as strongly but occasionally when I am in certain places memories pop in my head and I feel a weight press on my chest.
I am grateful I got to spend so much time with her. 16 years is an extremely long life for a dog and the majority of those years I know she was so happy and full of life. Although her physical form is gone there are times I feel like she is with me, hopefully watching out for me.
Now that we are finally entering spring I hope her spirit can frolic in the flowers and grass. I put her box of ashes nearby her window where she can always watch.
After February and March passed we are now reaching the final bit of April as I write this. That means we can pretty much call it spring. I have been looking forward to this, the hours have grown longer and that helps my day to day mood. I am finishing up yet another semester at school and I cannot wait for it to be over. It has been a tough academic year as well with everything and I am unsure that I will finish strongly, but I know I will finish at least and thats what counts right?
This weekend my family will be hosting my sister's first baby shower which is really exciting. I have been in charge of decorating which is one of my favorite things to do. I went for an April Showers Bring May Flowers theme with lots of flowers and I am gonna hang tissue poms from the ceiling with pink rain drops. That alone has kept me really busy! Monday, May 1st is going to be my 24th birthday which I can't believe I am not even sure what I want to do yet. Sometimes thats the lame part of adult birthdays, you kinda have to plan things yourself if you want to do anything. I am excited for May though I have been reading a few horoscope related posts lately and there is a new moon in Taurus either tonight ( the 27th) or tomorrow and that is supposed to provide a nice little reset for the Taurus sign which has me pumped and hopeful for good things to come my way. I have had pretty good luck lately on small things which I think is a good sign. (Update: birthday was excellent, spent it with my friends and had a really good time! Also baby shower went very well.)
I am looking forward to making summer adventure plans. I have my eyes set on going back to the Maine islands like Peaks and Long Island. I find those places immensely peaceful to me and I have not stopped thinking about going since summer ended last year. I have been thinking that this year I might go down there and rent a bike and bike along the island. Last year a friend of mine and I walked the entire perimeter of the island and though it was exhausting it was beautiful throughout the whole 360 degrees. I have not biked in years so who knows how that will go but so far I am still on board with the idea. I also want to make a trip up to Bar Harbor and Acadia since I have never been and its still within my home state. I plan on taking my camera with me during these adventures too so then I can share some photos as well and also flex those photography muscles.
To conclude, because I don’t want this post to be forever and a half long there has been some really good things happening in my life, some really bad. I know thats not too different from anyone else. We are all on a journey after all.
I am grateful for so much especially my friends and my family who have supported me during the good and the bad. I plan to possibly make more posts like these even if no one reads them, if you do, thank you, and hopefully posts like these let you guys get to know me better as a person instead of a one sided person that lives and breathes makeup all day long.
Thank you to all that have stuck it out with me, I really appreciate it.
Now I must return to my finals, wish me luck!
I hope you all are having a great week see you soon!
- A
